Octobre, 2017

Reading time: 8 minutes

I Am Giving Him Back His Freedom

My baby is just born. He's five months in utero, which is too early for his little body. I let him out of my being, I let him choose. Now I'm holding him in my hands... He's perfect... A wave of love unites us forever, I'm holding my little boy Kanayama.

This birth from Life to Death is surrounded by Love. My soul and my heart know that this birth is right, that it is love. Outside of human time, the length of the experience does not matter. My baby's Life journey is whole, complete and finished. Everything went perfectly, he fulfilled his Life mission. A great peace settled in me and around me.

Yet I am incarnated in the duality of the Earthly World. I am connected to my physical body, and all my cells experience separation, sadness and the whole spectrum of emotions. When I take my three-year-old daughter with me, we are all reunited. At that moment, as I hold my already cold child in my arms, a tear falls on his face. It reveals the blood through a red spot on his nose. One part of me screams at the tragedy of this lifeless being, the other part, the one that will finally take over, bursts out laughing. Kanayama plays the clown, he brings us lightness and humour. That day, I had the choice of sinking or laughing. My daughter Nayla will keep in her heart the image of her brother as a clown, with a smile on her face.

We were guided, that day we were in Japan on the island of Hokkaido. In a place where 5-month-old fetuses are considered human beings. So we were able to take our child. We took him in the trailer that we pull with our bicycles, symbol of our life as two-wheeled nomads. Then we were able to share a meal in the middle of nature at a crystalline spring, perfumed with the scents of the forest. We then sang, we were on the side of Life and our child was with us. "You are present in every breath of the wind, in the eagle that soars, in the ocean that whispers, in the flame that dances. You are here in our Heart.  »

"Every birth, every project is supported, guided and chosen. There is no definite moment to light our bits of stars, moon and sun that sleep in our hearts. All life experiences lead us there. The challenge is to remember that beyond appearances, our soul and spirit have chosen to experience various facets of Life in order to take one more step towards the realisation of our "Project of Consciousness". Life is not unjust. It is so beautiful and so great that our human eyes find it difficult to see its full unfolding. Our quest for consciousness takes us one day to see all its magnificence. Life is love and light. It does not steal anything, it does not take anything away, it does not punish. On the contrary, it gives us opportunities to grow, it rewards, and it encourages. (...) Life is love. Life is light. We are love and light." Sylvie Ouellet

I hold on to these words, so that I can continue to feel the peace that I feel at times. The one that is often chased away by the visceral waves of deep emotions. However, I also wish to allow myself to live them, to welcome them in order to heal the part of me that asks for it.

How to share what goes through me, I who at times do not understand it. How to explain this feeling of peace and rightness. My silence is not pain, it is Life. I seek to connect myself to the sumptuous expansion, to the Love and Light that Kanayama sends me to find my Way of Life, my Truth.

Yet when I speak, I aspire only to be able to say who I am, to be able to put in words what vibrates in me. "All I ask is that you listen to me. Just welcome what I'm trying to tell you, what I'm trying to tell myself, because that's the hardest part." Jacques Salomé